Posted by: scottishboomerang | December 23, 2007

Farmer Billy’s Happy Farm

I graduated by the way. Pictures and a video to follow when I find the download cable of my camera.

 Let me speak, though, of Farmer Billy. Farmer Bill is not my friend. Farmer Billy is the agricultural hero of my hogwon’s English storybook series: stories which have no plot, no humour, no gore, no nothing.  We spend way to much time with Farmer Billy on his Happy Farm. My pre-teenagers are bored. They would be, they aren’t three years old. 

The story so far.

Farmer Billy is so happy today. Today is my birthday, says Farmer Billy. I’ll give my animals a treat. Farmer Billy goes to the cow. The cow is so happy to see him. “Today is my birthday,” says Farmer Billy. “Moo-moo. I’ll give you lots of milk,” says the cow. He feeds corn to the baby calf. “Moo. I’ll give you milk someday too”.

On Farmer Billy goes, round the farm feeding the farm animals their favourite food, with all the animals promising to do what comes naturally with gusto. Bored bored bored.  What’s a girl to do with a story like this. Enter the creative writing class.

“Let’s change this boring story” says Miss Boomerang.

“Yeah, let’s change it”, say the ten pre-teen boys. “It’s so boring”.

 So we started with the phrase “Farmer Billy goes to the _____________”.

The story that follows is the story my students made as a class. There was no interference from my part other than cleaning up the grammar.

In this version of events, it would appear that Farmer Billy is into arable farming in Afghanistan (and possibly in to the supply, distribution and sale of the end product as well). His farm might be a “Happy Farm”, but only because Farmer Billy probably does some product testing.


Happy Farm: Chapter One.

Farmer Billy goes to the policeman. The policeman is so angry to see him.

“Today is Kill-A-Policeman Day” says Farmer Billy.

Farmer Billy has a gun. An AK47. He shoots and kills the policeman. Farmer Billy laughs crazily.

Farmer Billy is in the Mafia. His friends are in the Taliban. (short discussion on whether “taliban” is a singular noun as in “he is a taliban, they are talibans“).

The American and Korean armies chase Farmer Billy and his friends.

The Mafia boss is a Taliban spy. “You’re fired, Farmer Billy” says the Mafia Boss.

Farmer Billy and the Mafia Boss fight. Billy wins.


I can’t wait for the next installment. If we bring this out as an online computer game AND a movie, we can make a packet.  The body count looks as though its going to be high. Scarface, eat your heart out.

Joking aside, this is the first time I have encountered knowledge of current affairs or a respectful attitude about the American army.  This could be because the Taliban kidnapped a busload of Korean missionaries and beheaded their leader in the summer. Even so, this is the first time I have encountered awareness of international affairs in my young learners.


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